APRIL FOOLS: This supplement is a no brainer

This was a joke for April Fool's in 2024.

Over the years, not only have we created a vast resource on nutrition and supplementation, but we’ve revolutionized the supplement industry with our groundbreaking products, such as:


At the same time, we’ve also been increasing our coverage of lifestyle topics like exercise, mindfulness, and sleep.

But the challenging part of lifestyle optimization is actually following through, which is easier said than done!

We’re excited to announce that Examine can now help you sustainably change your daily habits.

Thanks to the brilliant supercharged brain of Bill Willis, our musclebound biomedical scientist, you can look forward to adding another, new and powerful supplement to your daily regimen.

Better yet: it’s not a supplement designed to improve nutrition, but a supplement designed to FORCE a healthy lifestyle!

According to Bill, a custom-engineered probiotic could theoretically influence the brain to consistently make healthy choices. This is based on emerging evidence that the gut microbiome is intimately linked to the brain, regulating metabolism, the immune system, and even our very behavior.[1]

All he needed was a couple weeks and access to his lab.

Bill modified the DNA of a colony of the zombie-ant fungus, Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, a close relative of the popular supplement Cordyceps sinensis, to produce proteins capable of influencing — some might say controlling — human cells.

We really hit it out of the park with this one.

It’s Examine’s absolute pleasure to introduce you to ZombioticPro+.


The trial results were so astonishing that even the statistician we hired to fudge the numbers was floored.


Week One: Participant microbiome colonization is complete. Despite no change in social interaction, participants reported a reduction in loneliness, a common cause of poor mental health, crediting an unseen loving presence cohabitating their minds.

Week One


Week Two: Exercise capacity and enthusiasm increased by several orders of magnitude. As did protein intake.

Week Two


Week Three: As participants receded into the depths of madness, they stopped needing to sleep and spent much of their time in a healthy, calming, meditative trance.

Week Three


Week Four: Forest bathing interventions become permanent as the fungus facilitates a symbiotic ecosystem with plants. If you can’t bring your mind to nature, bring nature to your mind!

Week Three


You won’t be able to defeat them, so you might as well join the legion.


Click here to get your bottle of ZombioticPro+ now! Free samples available!


FAQ: I took ZombioticPro+ a few days ago. How can I be sure that it’s working?

Standard self-evaluation techniques are difficult while experiencing the healthful effects of ZombioticPro+, which is why the supplement includes an indicator reaction.

The proprietary proteins expressed by ZombioticPro+ are fused with green-fluorescent protein (GFP). After one week of ZombioticPro+ therapy, simply walk under a UV light. If you exhibit a pretty 488 nm-ish (green) fluorescence, rest assured that it’s only a matter of time until you turn, er, begin to feel the healthful effects of ZombioticPro+.



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References

1.^Morais LH, Schreiber HL, Mazmanian SKThe gut microbiota-brain axis in behaviour and brain disorders.Nat Rev Microbiol.(2021-Apr)